+it's so close but we're so far away

The way that coffee cups get so warm and welcome new days, welcoming the month of December, friends simply asking the questions, pursuit, certainty in small things, relief in the minutes, practicing deep breaths, productivity flowing, cold mornings that wake me up quickly, list making, preparing my heart, fringe, the man who let me into his lane on the interstate, being late but right on time, honesty, responsibility, creamy soup, the perfect reflection, deep admiration, throwing my cup away for me, learning to encourage through the grief, low aperture, re-writes.

+until my left was my right and up became down

Waking up well rested, cold rain appropriate for the season, wooden platforms, perfect breakfasts, real nervousness, situational eloquence, four hugs in a row, surprise run-ins, yummy lunches combined with catching up, feeling loved, silence and pauses, christmas wreaths on the belmont mansion, planning get-togethers, making the time, smiling, catching up under cozy blankets.

+don't let the bones the closet may hold get in the way

"You're okay, you're with me here in the silence.

With all of the violence crashing around

Saying we can't go, saying we don't know.

This road is narrow is the one we should follow.

We'll never be ready if we keep waiting

For the perfec time to come

Won't be steady, we'll never be ready."

- Mat Kearney

Waking to the sunrise and brewing coffee, noticeable change, reflections on water, cold air, camera in hand, apartment balconies, hearing old stories, finding a similar soul, feeling the absensce, asparagus, leftover turkey, glasses of water, reunion, phone calls, planning.

+we should all go, break down the walls being built around us

Sleeping in, cup after cup of home brewed coffee, soft carpeted floors, dancing in the basement, fresh fruit juice, learning the difference between cookware brands, owning measuring cups, turkey, old disney movies, sweet messages, easier, low-key, visits, care, cereal.

+haven't you noticed me drifting, oh let me tell you i am

Book titles, learning silence, no distractions, green grass, possibilities, excited about my turn, preparing for advent, the ability to drive to family, pets, devon's voice on the phone, singing at the top of my lungs in my car, regimented, the ability to write, the ability to find peace, connections.

+i won't ask, you won't tell, just come around

Long runs with dogs, cold weather, the way your lungs feel after being in the cold for a run, warm showers, clean hair, purring cats, steinbeck, hiding, the smell of lots of foods cooking at once, video games, socks, deep breathing, funny text messages, being thankful, pajamas, lots of blankets, clean kitchens, white plates, heavy glasses, family movie night, journaling, warm lighting, wanting to think.

+and the more i learn the more i don't understand

Anything pre four am, empty roads, asking for help, easy mornings, black coffee, pumpkin flavored anything, ease of depth, good hair day, orange slices, a safe ride, knowing when to refrain, brothers in law, the basement, new house numbers, grass for saffi, cats, dr. mario.

+thought about the first time i met you, all those glances that we stole

Sleeping on it, understanding what it means to give God worries to deal with, getting better, beautiful artwork, slow mornings, self-confidence, important discussions, giving haircuts, wearing a t-shirt and a scarf on a cool day, running into my past, asserting, quiet abandoned classrooms with sunlight streaming in, being more aware of sunsets because they happen so early, alone time, hard workouts, empty places, not feeling intimidated, articulation, being asked, tennis shoes, diversity, mountains, "ugly" days, time to pack.

+see i know my destination but i'm just not there

Good transitions, laughing at myself, enjoying work, the caf's thanksgiving feast, pumpkin pie, conflicted thoughts that lead to discovery, trusting the unsettling, still wanting lunch, knowing when to go and when to stay, the coldness that rain in november brings, sustained and directed stillness in class, sharing, editing photos, writing, praying, friends who know I just need to talk things out, that grin I know far too well, knowing I'll accept it in the morning, learning to really question.

+i think we've got what it takes to get this heart start beating it again

Packing neatly, sunshine reflecting off of wood floors, explorations on my own, battles, photography, hills, blinds, warm air, God time, local coffee shops, free parking, mess, talking through everything, historical music, connecting deeper, wreck and ticket free, beautiful starry skies, feeling more at home at Belmont than ever.

+and the stars they seemed, to paint the most elaborate scene today

No alarms set, the farmer's market with great new conversations, golden pears, freshly homemade bread, exploring local coffee shops, long walks with map in hand, traditions, cuddling, reading, routine, big and amazing breakfasts, campus cultures, a wedding on-campus, instrumental music, seasonal collections, hard wood floors, my brown boots, learning to play a video game, christmas tree lights, plaid, open fields for miles and lakes with fog, football with pizza, falling asleep on devon's shoulder, a big fluffy bed all to myself.

+with tears of gratitude, i like my latitude

"This day could someday be an anniversary - everything is light and sound. Facing forward going slowing, wait for you to show me where this train wants to go. ... Everything is soft and slow. Now all these tastes improve with the view that comes with you. Like they handed me my life for the first time it felt right." -Jets to Brazil

Meeting in the kitchen, beautiful sunrises behind us, headed West, cheap but good coffee, perfect timing, getting started right, the idea of scholarship halls, pictures of families, up-to-date, friendly greetings, being okay with slow conversations, driving tours, red roofs, hilly terrain, turning a cold demeanor into warmth and depth, craving academics, envisioning a life somewhere new, small houses with lots of character, eating at recommended restaurants, another new city, being adventuresome, exploring, good opening bands, watching someone who is deeply passionate about music enjoy a concert, being strong enough, the warmth of a bed no matter the current city.

+one foot in and one foot back, but it don't pay to live like that

"Load the car and write the note. Grab your bag and grab your coat. Tell the ones that need to know - we are headed North." - Avett Brothers

Remembering what it feels like to overachieve, water bottles, long-sleeved t-shirts, final paperwork, sweet remembered good-byes, melodies, making good time, brake-ing early, flowing conversation, sing-a-longs, cheap gas, friends who help out, going north, the gateway arch, sinking into a warm bed when exhausted, texting from the upstairs to the downstairs.

+and i have waited the anticipation's got me glued

Routine, new book, clear sinuses, resisting the cupcakes, a clean room, checking in, the way carpeting warms a room faster, polite workers, admitting when i need to, fast oil changes, vacuuming, real popcorn, light purple, answering, remembering to smile, showing, finalizing our trip together, people to hold me up, fuzzy pajama pants, cushiony bed comforters, deep breaths.

+but if i let go of everything the stars compose a song to sing

"The practice of paying attention really does take time. Most of us move so quickly that our surroundings become no more than the blurred scenery we fly past on our way to somewhere else. We pay attention to the speedometer, the wristwatch, the cellphone, the list of things to do, all of which feed our illusion that life is manageable. Meanwhile, none of them meets the first criterion for reverence, which is to remind us that we are not gods. If anything, these devices sustain the illusion that we might yet be gods - if only we could find some way to do more faster. Reverence requires a certain pace." -Barbara Brown Taylor

Pancakes with cinnamon syrup, enough time to talk, stories, putting the cell phone away, cups of coffee, knowing when sniffles mean getting better, running through the cold, needing heavier jackets, intense focus, working through any annoyances, finding joy in debating, watching encouragement take place, being hugged, feeling loved.

+good times compounded upon good times

The bigger picture, thin scarves, diligence, paper chains, surprises from a lovely lady, indulging in a homemade cookie/brownie, being taken out to lunch by surprise, walking up and down every aisle just to spend more time together, bursting with feeling loved, approved lease, fitness, kelly coffee, sleepiness, the last few leaves hanging on.

+holy wisdom, love most bright

Getting out of bed, cello music (yo-yo ma), gift cards, time to sleep, big t-shirts, burnt grilled cheese sandwiches, stepping back, red holiday cups, day dreams, the way it feels to roll over and be well-rested, warm sunny november days, remembering thanksgiving, handwritten cards, aritculation, bearing the weight, sorting through and being reminded of my faith, support every moment, booked flights to philadelphia for Christmas.

+time there's always time

Waking up at noon, sleeping, chicken noodle soup, devon, sleeping, cozy blankets, going to bed at 8:30.

+'cause you knew you were finally free

+you won't admit it and i won't be around

Studying that's worth it, friendly discourse, centered, smiles that make me laugh,  proper grammar, weakness pushed through, healthier, daydreaming, financials, confirmation, listening unbiasedly, motivating words, diligence, catching up, dating the best caretaker in the world, nyquil allowing me to sleep.

+after a long dark night, bathe in the morning light

 "Go and live your lives so that those to whom love is a stranger may find in you generous friends." -a Methodist prayer

Waking to the sunrise, new forms of connection, understanding newness, loveliness, being called out, overcoming pride, a new collection of music, team work, management, friends who come around just when needed, inspiration to the extreme, follow through, lunch in the sunlight, keeping appointments, that classic feel, delicate cups with saucers, the setting sun outside a garage door, resolution, adoration, helping, celebrating, evenness.

+what we lost means nothing for the memories will stay

Sleeping off fevers, small town feeling, seeing the benefit of frustrations, laughing at e-mails, long hugs, warm yellow scarves,  polka dots, dark denim, old and new friends all mixed together, standing up for myself, articulating thoughts, healing, prayer, not giving up on someone, two hour evening naps, shk, funny stories, over-caffeination, first times, good memories, birthdays.

+you only disappoint the ones who don't believe

Little victories, red trees, the smell of fresh wood, open windows, new hiding spots, filling in and being necessary, apartment shopping, imagining what comes next, candlelight, craigs' list, cancelled class, perfect weather, support where it's needed most, understanding phone calls, being cared for when sick, hot tea, the home phone, stylish clothing, success for close friends, being low maintenance.

+the pulse of life within my wrist, a fallen snow, a rising mist

Committing, morning after formal make-up, learning new information and meeting new people, seeing the larger scope, explaining generations, sunshine, mellow music, orange juice, little plans, alicia's listening, cute messages, water, gut feelings, sandwiches, sitting up straight, deep connectedness and ease, goose, pottery, watching real love.

+and my resting place is taught by love

Sunrises, alicia, family, birthdays, bubber, dad's coffee, dark yellow, lunches that need reservations, warm boots, tomato soup, old streets, letting myself be a daughter, dispelling some stubbornness, long phone calls, sunsets, appreciating the birmingham skyline, not missing, cobblestone, talented friends, arms, games, posture, noodles, fevers, classic windows, superlatives, heels that don't hurt, dancing, ties and bowties, pins, good talks.

"Grass is always greener on the other side. The search is never over in the pastures of my mind. In the meaning of happiness drowning in smiles, or that dreadful world I left behind? O, Lord grant the grace to accept who I am, who I am that You have designed. And I know there's a plan that you have up your sleeves, Rabbi teach me the faith to believe. It's the only way my life will every make sense to me" -Chris Rice

+I wanna have pride like mother has, and not like the kind in the Bible that turns you bad

Airports, fighting alarm clocks, not stopping, yogurt, cardboard boxes, lanterns, unconventionality, enough fruit, initiating from him, plans set in stone, goofiness that makes me grin all day long, canceled classes, creating new recipes, surprised and relieved faces, high energy, happy tears, square lamps, fixing it ourselves, colorado talk, catching up.

"I wanna have friends that I can trust that love me for the man I've become not the man I was. I wanna have friends that will let me be all alone when being alone is all that I need. I wanna fit in to the perfect space, feel natural and safe in a volatile place." -Avett Brothers

+sun turns the evening to rose, stars turning high up above

"I know that you think you're not good for anything, the world makes you feel so small...And oh, isn't it starnge how things can change you? And oh, isn't it plain that some things unname you?" -The Weepies

Problem solving, hard work, getting out of class early, early sunrises, taking the time to be still, collages, votes of confidence, film class, forgetting to wear makeup, running into, thick borders, prayer closets, crisp green apples, follow-through, small rings, cold air, intentional date night, the 5th of november, whole foods' staff, baking pie, imagining, freshness.

+we walked home together, i was never the same

Discipline, the office, weights, anything by Robert Benson, hummus, ease, crunching leaves, strong winds, deep yellow, reading outdoors, frozen fruit of all kinds, smoothies, thoughtfulness, embarking, rekindling, manuscripts, library books, talking loudly, stares, girl-time, consistency, later nights, sleeping heavily, journals.

+and when i see you i really see you upside down

Butterflies, wheat toast, prayer, five pieces of gum, focus, patience, lockers, good hair days, accomplishment, solidifying news, ripples, sunshine, feeling like it's my birthday, genuine support, mailbox letters, paper fans, spiritual updates, learning the rhythm of prayer, coffee paired with apartment hunting, even more butterflies (the excited variety), hardwood floors, making big choices, feeling safe, dreaming, homemade dinners, shk up, oatmeal cookies, a quick hug, our own lives, counting down.

+then one day you smiled and said my name

More than I thought, library books, robert benson, caf meals alone, trying on dresses I could never afford, frilly shoes, jaw dropping good news (twice!), feeling like I hit the lottery, crossing my fingers, seven weeks, apartment shopping, gardens, passing up the lesser, explanations, surprsing each other, daisies, cool whip, parodies, that laundry smell, yellow lanterns, not studying but assured, flannel hugs.  

"And this is our reward for being brave. For doing what was right and never playing it safe - and who could ask for more?" - Straylight Run

+you might not have meant to but, it's time you can't take it back

Long runs, sunrises, daylight savings time, the smell of the countryside, patience, maturity, cup after cup of coffee with conversation, no plans, big meals, chopsticks, relaxing, alertness, driving under the speed limit (still), realizations, getting over things quickly, loving genuinely, caring genuinely, long phone calls, knowing small portions of what I want, realizing my time in life, grateful for the same page, glistening, Nashville is home.

"We are collapsed in the act of just being here." -Stars

"Another turning point; a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist; directs you where to go. So make the best of this test and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time." -Shameless Green Day lyrics

+pray for me child, just for awhile

Tennis shoes, earliness, chick-fil-a, beautiful brick-work, deeply rooted traditions, spirit, epic videos, walking paths, ponchos, smiles of recognition, getting the wheels turning, those chants, knowing all over again, desperation, generosity, green monster, crafting, baked pumpkin seeds, the original charlie brown great pumpkin video, hot apple cider from scratch, focus, being trusted, people watching, plenty, old faces.

+slip your hand in mine ask me to dance with you tonight

New sanctuary, raining leaves, acorns that hit your head as you walk, surprise coffees, fancy leftovers, heart-to-hearts, giggling at costumes, life, order, warm but windy days, reassurance, loyalty, bursting, long car rides, ipods, passing without stopping, driving under the speed limit, easy transitions, late night with old friends, being a bridesmaid, gingerbread pumpkin cupcakes, candy corn, deep rest.

+show us that you care for us

Table cloths, gerber daisies, flour on the countertop, breakfast smells, healthy, punchyness, ease, puddles, politeness, good motivations, humility, treading lightly, tall grass, ribbing, powerful music, relief, rainbow scarves, packing up, real beauty, openmindedness, the word kettle, maturity, genuine excitment.

+however you feel, whatever it takes, whenever it's real, whatever awaits

"Cast aside everything that might extinguish this small flame which is beginning to burn with you, and surround yourself with everything which can feed and fan it into a strong fire..." - Anonymous, The Art of Prayer

Cold stone, overwhelming iron work, frosted windows, chipped paint, worn leather, hide-a-ways, sweet silence, warfare, welling, tears, penning, scarves, prayer, warm rooms, greetings, genuine love, a strawberry twizzler, confusion and doubt, snail mail, grace, depth, purple shoes, reality, loyal friendship, pocky, track-walking, stopping for hugs, enjoying the present.

+you can choose to love and what is more that is how you survived the war

Books that contain inspiration, consuming my morning, simple foods, being direct, approaching and debriefing, eye contact, sweet understanding, pencil erasures, well-bound journals, intricate patterns, fabrics, fits, silence, laughing through the entire thing, consistent positive interaction, knowing, well-made hummus, cucumbers, patience and mentorship.

+only he who obeys a rhythm superior to his own is free

Little smiles, beautiful weather, long walks, goofy voices, unique lettering, homey-ness, dog-walking, feeling comfortable, warmth, clean glass, strength, sweet reminders, gatherings outdoors, luna bars, control, re-experiencing Jesus, new journeys: together, encouraging, accountability, friends who care even when you're sleepy, almost crying out of joy at pictures of mountain ranges."Sometimes I wish that I could sing or dance or paint or compose symphonies or build cathedrals to express somehow what all of this means to me. I wish I were a priest or a robin or a child or a sunet." -Robert Benson

+he is the wind in our sails

Well-planned atmospheres, fancy wide-rimmed mugs, three hours, new tea, two more hours, high chairs, yoga in a dorm room, cleaning, good smells, patch work quilts, old rustic books, planning road trips, the name October or Autumn, double-sided tape, seeing stars in the night sky, feeling pressure and being able to manage it.

+but did it carry you away? did it carry you all the way?

Planned out, timing, homeworking while sitting on a dryer, everything about a freshly cleaned-good smelling-hoodie, staying productive, unexpected napping, brilliantly overwhelming out-of-doors, smiling more, wooden floors with character, it all coming together, really enjoying, being myself...really being myself, brushing my teeth, the smell of a warm vanilla candle, leaving the option open, directness, kindness, wrap around porches, little distractions, sword fights, beautiful and funny friends, reliving.

+and we live in a beautiful world

Guarantees, balanced, warmer, sleeping fully, restraining, researching, white board markers, schedules, love, the phrase "through the roof," crisp apples, paying attention, i dream of weenie, east nashville, pumpkins with glasses, alicia, the original, vegan cookies, new lofts, evening sunlight angles, glassy eyes, standing on chairs to hug, the pumpkin spice smells, fully focusing, kindall, running into, ceramic mugs, little details about Belmont that go unnoticed, no distractions, journaling.

+i gotta move while the streets are sunny

Lending a hand, encouragement from unexpected sources, run-ins at coffee shops, knowing the system, rekindling, Andrew Bird, crossing things off, funny stories, compliments we get to share, feeling a part, voicing, how the weather changes attitudes, smelling fresh cut grass, missing (real) friends, learning to love people, the value of good groups, connections, pasts, missing dad, being self-confident, reading for insight, not realizing the beautiful impact a thought and a prayer can have, warmth and a smile and happiness wrapped into the same breath because of another person, letting God.

+when words we use have lost their bite

Tennis shoes, celtic designs, staying on top of things, rustling/crunching leaves, reflections on smooth glassy surfaces, celebration cupcakes and smiles, confrontation but independence, fully engaged, believing in someone, catching up with dogs involved, hunger, frustrations that teach lessons, homemade spaghetti, a new conversation, dreaming, being the best part of each others' days, real love and deep concern, warmth, t-shirts, support, an encouraging note that felt like it was lost and now found, breathing slowly.

+i need you here like you've always been

Feeling eerily calm about it all, my idea of a perfect breakfast, always feeling old, lingering over coffee, passing notes in class, giggling because of them, sleek, easy-going-ness, gathering my words, memorizing scripture, getting out early, easier than expected, patience/understanding, avoiding shadows because they give me goosebumps, contemplating technology, long walks, deeper conversations, newness, reminiscing, snuggling.

+you've been way too strong now for all your life

Warm fuzzy boots, light eating, non-stop smiling, doing it right, fumbling, sunlight/shade temperature differences, free flowing, water, no plans, the frothy with snorton, lists, possibilities, pictures that make you relive moments, fitting, strength and endurance, observing, commiserating, free from distractions.

"If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away.

She said she didn't believe it could happen to me
I guess we're all just one phone call from our knees.

Crying out now from so far away
You pull me closer to love, closer to love."

+i'll take your promise, though i know nothing's safe

Being lazy, cleaning, teaching boys to make coffee, free bread sticks, making good time, pumpkin ice cream, real sisters, being impressed, goofiness, nickel creek, possibility, laughing (again, even more), feeling free, deep breaths, staying calm, reunion, hugs, Nashville once again.

+from town to town and state to state

Brisk morning, reminiscing, new faces, getting pinned, coffee, of montreal, vineyards, strong scents, sweetness, local pride, orchards, fresh cider, goofiness, big lunches, helping out, t-shirt in the 50's, pride, massive tailgating, taking it all in, the angle of the sun in late afternoon, warmth, yoga in the parking lot, little kids, good seats, fresh paint, wonderful company, laughing until it hurts, being mom, being sleepy, being happy and content, scoring big and going home early, the typical evening, laughing until tears, falling asleep within seconds.

+and your hearts still beating

Preparation, looking young, parking well, smiles from strangers, confidence in a new town, my red-wind-blown-from-the-cold nose, 4 coffee shops a block, buttered toast, easy conversation, asking questions, speaking slowly, chacos and yoga, the exact same, all boys, homecoming, hogwarts, excited greetings, changing leaves, real campuses, the outdoors, possibilities, excitement, warmth, being old, pushing forward, observing, replica, at the end.

+i'm not done with my travelin' so let's run, let's run

Waking up late, kitchen coffee, hugs, taking my time, dancing, flowing, the unexpected about to happen, broccoli and carrots, game time, a full water bottle, apartment h, ping pong, fire, reminders, bean bag chairs, seniors, connections, chilling winds, out and about, knowing who i am above pressures, laughing, comfort, going-to-sleep-prayers, sleeping bags.

+you'll shine for us

Old women, knowledge, umbrellas, offers, affirmation, taking the plunge, mixed and new, suede, dreams, kellylynne, owl city lyrics, a perfect match, cheap gas, pushing through the rough patches, matching ipods, having my door opened for me, cuddly dogs, food a plenty, family discussions, dozing, not being perfect.

+yes we speak of things that matter with words that must be said

Reading by 8, sore muscles, skylines, healthy eating, better than expected, high marks, consciously, plans working better than expected, giggles that won't stop, real smiles, spontaneity, understanding, academic stimulation, wanting to know more, fresh from new york apples, energy, connection, air pressure of tires, grease on fingers, invitations, caf dinners, yoga with giggling, papers done in less than an hour, folds and wrinkles, warmth, redness, packing.

+i'll stay if you want me to

Being well-rested, proud of the way we welcome, getting my graduation packet with my name spelled correctly, fresh coffee for free, springs, healthy/conscious eating, dream analysis, ballet flats, instrumentals stuck in your head all day, compliments on the homeyness/coziness of my room, snorton's treats, family feeling, warmth.

+we were so tired of being mild

Hot showers, bright blue eyes, laughing genuinely, going deep and pushing the comfort zone, setting up for a feast, casuality, learning, engaged, connected, hitting the books, how the wind rustles leaves, blueless sky days that still are warming, busyness that still flows, way understanding friends, going to bed at 9:30pm, dreaming, water.

+just don't let the human factor fail to be a factor at all

The cool of early mornings, an organization with a consistent genuine mission, socks, life talks, the elevator smelling like pancakes/our home-y lobby, satco, families eating together, scarves in october, hot chocolate on the porch with little marshmallows and a cool breeze, napping, reading for fun, trying, shadows, a concert that transports you to a different place, investments.

+oh when is it comin? keep the car runnin'

Surprise cups of coffee, sought out encouragement, inspiring words, confidence, options, blushing, cool breeze, catching up over errands, a fancy dinner, pay day, feeling like a little kid, feeling like a grown up, feeling content.

+the detailed story all about a grain of sand

Finishing tests, personal questisons, watching groups interact, thinking holistically, surprises, a cleared out inbox, meeting new people, categorizing, taking photos, homemade pizza, baseball t-shirts, new conversations that teach me about myself more than I feel like I'm helping, people over projects.

"We come to God to worship not to get from him but to give to him. Jesus loves it when we offer our hearts to him in devotion. You are entering the chamber only you can enter. You are bringing something to the heart of Jesus only you can bring." -Staci Eldredge

+i understand because my heart and hers are the same

Sunrise, vacuums, low-humidity, learning another person, those important questions, sf room that is a lesser degree of the outside daily, piercingly blue skies, teamwork, smiles, business, focus, loyalty, walking, an old friend to listen to every one of my thoughts and feelings, feeling sophisticated, offered rides, advice, small town feeling, love.

"I wanna have friends that I can trust that love me for the man I've become not the man I was. I wanna have friends that will let me be all alone when being alone is all that I need. I wanna fit in to the perfect space, feel natural and safe in a volatile place. And I wanna grow old without the pain, give my body back to the earth and not complain. Will you understand when I am too old of a man? And will you forget when we have paid our debt who did we borrow from?"
-The Avett Brothers, "The Perfect Space"