+and don't apologize for all the tears you've cried

"And don't apologize for all the tears you've cried. You've been way too strong now for all your life. I'm gonna get there soon, you're gonna be there too. Crying in your room, praying Lord come through. We're gonna get there soon. Oh, it's your light, oh, it's your way. Crying out now from so far away, you pull me closer to love, closer to love. Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life." -Mat Kearney

Stopping in the beauty of nature, scale, humility, newness, rekindling, wisdom, insight, hats, frozen hands, being prayed for, tears that almost freeze in the outdoors, missing someone so much that you understand their important, being able to spend time with so many people, knowing that people are willing to spend their time with me, parks, dogs, exciting experiences that make me feel so very lucky, working through it, being completely honest even though it may make me expose the ugly parts of who I am, feeling like all I can do is give me life away.

+and when the smoke cleared it took her breath away

Sunshine telling me the time, smirking, scratching off items on to-do lists, red cheeks from the cold, hot choclate for breakfast, mittens, brick buildings, breaking the gap, endings, sweet goodbyes, sentiment, when people close their eyes they are so content as if they are trying hard to make the moment last, beautiful graphic design mostly with trees and branches, new wisdom and insight from an old friend, watching dance shows, feeling connected, the warmth of old friends' hugs, knowing I'll miss this, friendship pure and simple, experiencing it, figuring out why.

+time together is never quite enough

Breakfast, free, finishing a project, figuring more out, a walk to class, deep breaths, films, curly hair, small close groups, honesty, support, moving dates, visits, clean rooms, bundled up, clearing out, thick fabrics, the kind of sleep that three heavy blankets produces, deep committed love.

+have i still got you to cross my bridge in the storm

Blankets (all colors and patterns), rainy days with warm and well-prepared feet, the assortment of umbrellas that emerge, the civil wars, handling it, overwhelming peace that comes with prayer, gossiping only to God, coffee, remembering, surprise cancellations, overwhelming generosity, never understanding, choosing peace, socks, homemade dinners worth the wait, little white chocolates, being driven, rudolph, gatherings, the colorfully decorated tree outside the curb, christmas music, bells.

+it's so close but we're so far away

The way that coffee cups get so warm and welcome new days, welcoming the month of December, friends simply asking the questions, pursuit, certainty in small things, relief in the minutes, practicing deep breaths, productivity flowing, cold mornings that wake me up quickly, list making, preparing my heart, fringe, the man who let me into his lane on the interstate, being late but right on time, honesty, responsibility, creamy soup, the perfect reflection, deep admiration, throwing my cup away for me, learning to encourage through the grief, low aperture, re-writes.

+until my left was my right and up became down

Waking up well rested, cold rain appropriate for the season, wooden platforms, perfect breakfasts, real nervousness, situational eloquence, four hugs in a row, surprise run-ins, yummy lunches combined with catching up, feeling loved, silence and pauses, christmas wreaths on the belmont mansion, planning get-togethers, making the time, smiling, catching up under cozy blankets.

+don't let the bones the closet may hold get in the way

"You're okay, you're with me here in the silence.

With all of the violence crashing around

Saying we can't go, saying we don't know.

This road is narrow is the one we should follow.

We'll never be ready if we keep waiting

For the perfec time to come

Won't be steady, we'll never be ready."

- Mat Kearney

Waking to the sunrise and brewing coffee, noticeable change, reflections on water, cold air, camera in hand, apartment balconies, hearing old stories, finding a similar soul, feeling the absensce, asparagus, leftover turkey, glasses of water, reunion, phone calls, planning.

+we should all go, break down the walls being built around us

Sleeping in, cup after cup of home brewed coffee, soft carpeted floors, dancing in the basement, fresh fruit juice, learning the difference between cookware brands, owning measuring cups, turkey, old disney movies, sweet messages, easier, low-key, visits, care, cereal.

+haven't you noticed me drifting, oh let me tell you i am

Book titles, learning silence, no distractions, green grass, possibilities, excited about my turn, preparing for advent, the ability to drive to family, pets, devon's voice on the phone, singing at the top of my lungs in my car, regimented, the ability to write, the ability to find peace, connections.

+i won't ask, you won't tell, just come around

Long runs with dogs, cold weather, the way your lungs feel after being in the cold for a run, warm showers, clean hair, purring cats, steinbeck, hiding, the smell of lots of foods cooking at once, video games, socks, deep breathing, funny text messages, being thankful, pajamas, lots of blankets, clean kitchens, white plates, heavy glasses, family movie night, journaling, warm lighting, wanting to think.

+and the more i learn the more i don't understand

Anything pre four am, empty roads, asking for help, easy mornings, black coffee, pumpkin flavored anything, ease of depth, good hair day, orange slices, a safe ride, knowing when to refrain, brothers in law, the basement, new house numbers, grass for saffi, cats, dr. mario.

+thought about the first time i met you, all those glances that we stole

Sleeping on it, understanding what it means to give God worries to deal with, getting better, beautiful artwork, slow mornings, self-confidence, important discussions, giving haircuts, wearing a t-shirt and a scarf on a cool day, running into my past, asserting, quiet abandoned classrooms with sunlight streaming in, being more aware of sunsets because they happen so early, alone time, hard workouts, empty places, not feeling intimidated, articulation, being asked, tennis shoes, diversity, mountains, "ugly" days, time to pack.

+see i know my destination but i'm just not there

Good transitions, laughing at myself, enjoying work, the caf's thanksgiving feast, pumpkin pie, conflicted thoughts that lead to discovery, trusting the unsettling, still wanting lunch, knowing when to go and when to stay, the coldness that rain in november brings, sustained and directed stillness in class, sharing, editing photos, writing, praying, friends who know I just need to talk things out, that grin I know far too well, knowing I'll accept it in the morning, learning to really question.

+i think we've got what it takes to get this heart start beating it again

Packing neatly, sunshine reflecting off of wood floors, explorations on my own, battles, photography, hills, blinds, warm air, God time, local coffee shops, free parking, mess, talking through everything, historical music, connecting deeper, wreck and ticket free, beautiful starry skies, feeling more at home at Belmont than ever.

+and the stars they seemed, to paint the most elaborate scene today

No alarms set, the farmer's market with great new conversations, golden pears, freshly homemade bread, exploring local coffee shops, long walks with map in hand, traditions, cuddling, reading, routine, big and amazing breakfasts, campus cultures, a wedding on-campus, instrumental music, seasonal collections, hard wood floors, my brown boots, learning to play a video game, christmas tree lights, plaid, open fields for miles and lakes with fog, football with pizza, falling asleep on devon's shoulder, a big fluffy bed all to myself.

+with tears of gratitude, i like my latitude

"This day could someday be an anniversary - everything is light and sound. Facing forward going slowing, wait for you to show me where this train wants to go. ... Everything is soft and slow. Now all these tastes improve with the view that comes with you. Like they handed me my life for the first time it felt right." -Jets to Brazil

Meeting in the kitchen, beautiful sunrises behind us, headed West, cheap but good coffee, perfect timing, getting started right, the idea of scholarship halls, pictures of families, up-to-date, friendly greetings, being okay with slow conversations, driving tours, red roofs, hilly terrain, turning a cold demeanor into warmth and depth, craving academics, envisioning a life somewhere new, small houses with lots of character, eating at recommended restaurants, another new city, being adventuresome, exploring, good opening bands, watching someone who is deeply passionate about music enjoy a concert, being strong enough, the warmth of a bed no matter the current city.

+one foot in and one foot back, but it don't pay to live like that

"Load the car and write the note. Grab your bag and grab your coat. Tell the ones that need to know - we are headed North." - Avett Brothers

Remembering what it feels like to overachieve, water bottles, long-sleeved t-shirts, final paperwork, sweet remembered good-byes, melodies, making good time, brake-ing early, flowing conversation, sing-a-longs, cheap gas, friends who help out, going north, the gateway arch, sinking into a warm bed when exhausted, texting from the upstairs to the downstairs.

+and i have waited the anticipation's got me glued

Routine, new book, clear sinuses, resisting the cupcakes, a clean room, checking in, the way carpeting warms a room faster, polite workers, admitting when i need to, fast oil changes, vacuuming, real popcorn, light purple, answering, remembering to smile, showing, finalizing our trip together, people to hold me up, fuzzy pajama pants, cushiony bed comforters, deep breaths.

+but if i let go of everything the stars compose a song to sing

"The practice of paying attention really does take time. Most of us move so quickly that our surroundings become no more than the blurred scenery we fly past on our way to somewhere else. We pay attention to the speedometer, the wristwatch, the cellphone, the list of things to do, all of which feed our illusion that life is manageable. Meanwhile, none of them meets the first criterion for reverence, which is to remind us that we are not gods. If anything, these devices sustain the illusion that we might yet be gods - if only we could find some way to do more faster. Reverence requires a certain pace." -Barbara Brown Taylor

Pancakes with cinnamon syrup, enough time to talk, stories, putting the cell phone away, cups of coffee, knowing when sniffles mean getting better, running through the cold, needing heavier jackets, intense focus, working through any annoyances, finding joy in debating, watching encouragement take place, being hugged, feeling loved.

+good times compounded upon good times

The bigger picture, thin scarves, diligence, paper chains, surprises from a lovely lady, indulging in a homemade cookie/brownie, being taken out to lunch by surprise, walking up and down every aisle just to spend more time together, bursting with feeling loved, approved lease, fitness, kelly coffee, sleepiness, the last few leaves hanging on.